Have you ever fallen in love? Known what it's like, to care about someone so much? I have. Once. Has your life ever just fallen apart, have you ever lost control? Well, here goes.
     Sixth grade. Just starting to feel hormonal, starting to like boys. But boys never liked me, why would they? I mean, I wasn't exactly the most attractive girl in class. And then there was Andrew.
     In my class, there were five girls total. It was a combined fifth and sixth class, and there were only two sixth grade girls; Hannah Hurst and me.  Andrew came in from Kennedy at the beginning of the school year. He was nice, never mean or anything to me. Pretty cool. I remember, one day at recess, we were talking. I had had a crush on him for some time. I asked him who he liked, and he said a girl. I asked if she was in our grade, he said yes. In our class? Yes. I immediately said Hannah...and he said no. I was total blown away..I asked if it was me, and he said yes. We started dating; well, the sixth grade version anyway.
     We had two dates, or at least that's all I can remember. One of them was a Haloween dance at his church. I remember that I brought Angelica with me. Andrew even won the dance contest. He gave me a necklace; it was heart shaped, with diamonds or rhinestones. It was beautiful; I loved it. He said that he'd given it to every girl he'd dated, and they'd all given it back. He also said that he could never date a girl who gave it back.
     Well, seeing as I wasn't exactly popular, people started to tease us. They'd spread rumours that he was going to break up with me, or vice versa. We just kind of stopped dating; neither one of us really said "I'm breaking up with you." ..I never gave him the necklace back.
     In seventh, eight, and now ninth, Freshman year, I made it known to him that I still like him. Last year, I realized that I more than like him; I love him. First boyfriend became first love.
     Christmas arrived; of course, I got him a present. I gave him a card with ten dollars inside, and I painted him a poster with his name. He said he liked it. However, he also said that he'd gotten me a present, a friendship necklace to replace the one I'd lost; I was so happy! A necklace from him to replace the one I'd lost, the one he'd given me three years ago. Unfortunately, I haven't seen any necklace to this day. I guess I'd be less disappointed if he hadn't said anything; then I wouldn't have anticipated.
     Freshman Formal came up; I wondered who he'd ask. He'd said earlier in the year that he liked me, but I guess he didn't. Or just thought better of it. He ended up taking Kaylee. I think they may be dating, I don't know; I see them together sometimes. It hurts...it hurts that he didn't pick me, yes, but not as much as it hurts that he doesn't seem to even notice me anymore, not even as a friend.
     After Formal, I promised myself that before Graduation, I would tell him that I fell in love with him. Well, I told him. He acted a bit odd; I wondered if I'd scared him. So, being the person I am, I asked him. He said that he felt a bit weird about it, and he thought that I thought we had a relationship. I replied that the only kind of relationship I thought we had was as friends, and I just thought he should know.
     Trying to get over him, trying to just let go. It isn't easy. I was heartbroken; I don't know why, but I was. Now it feels like I'll never have a chance with him, but only time will tell. What do you do, when you've had your heart broken? I mean, true I love all my friends, but him...I loved him special. I still do. He'll always have that one part of me, and I'll never be able to give it to anyone else.
     Well, that was hard enough to deal with; now my life is falling apart. My mom is in jail. Drunk driving. She's out on April twenty-seventh. She can't drive for two years. My now ex-boyfriend seems to be suicidal once again. Most of my friends seem that way. Several of their lives are falling apart.
     Suddenly, I see no point in school....in homework, or in grades. Why bother? What's the point? Monday, I skipped first and second period...me! I skipped class! I got the first detentions of my high school career...and hopefully the last. It's like, everything that used to be important-having a's and b's, being on the honor roll, doing all my homework, knowing so much-doesn't matter anymore. Just about the only things I still care about are the people I care about and the arts. What happened to me?
     I don't know why or how any of this happened. All I know is that it did, and there's nothing I can do about it. I'll work harder in school, if only because it will probably matter later in my life. I may date again, I don't know. It seems like every time I start to consider giving my heart to a person something happens; and the last time I gave my heart away, it got broken.
     I will heal, I'll get better. But there are some things I just..I wish I could take back. Like the day Andrew and I just stopped going out. Or the day he denied dating me, I wish I could have prevented that. Or the day I confessed to him, to Andrew, that I love him. Why would I want to take that day back? Maybe so I could tell him in a more personal way than the phone. So I could say to him, face to face, "Andrew, I love you." Or so that he wouldn't act so odd around me, like there's some sort of disease or something that he doesn't want to get. I dont' know, he doesn't really act like that; but it seems like it.
     This will all go away. Thirty years from now, I'll look back on these years and say "I'm glad I went through it all, it helped me grow so much." After all, who knows: maybe I can pick myself up again. And maybe, some how, I still have a chance with the one guy I would do anything for.